Tuesday, December 06, 2005

semper manebit in nostra memoria...

semper manebit in nostra memoria...she will always remain in our memory

A couple weeks ago we got a phone call from the States. My grandma(we call her Nanny) had fallen and hit her head. Blood was pooling in her brain and she needed surgery. She had low platelets and they decided to wait on it. The procedure was already very risky, and someone in her health didn’t have great chances of making it. We waited, not knowing what was going to happen. Eventually the pressure built up too much and they had to perform an emergency operation. Fortunately everything went ok and she made it through.

She seemed to be doing better –I was able to talk to her on the phone– but my mom decided to go back to the States and spend some time with her. My mom went, and got to see her (and the rest of the family… lucky fish). It is hard having her away but we are managing. Mi madre(the crazy one I talked about in this post) spent a lot of her time cleaning Nanny’s apartment and getting her stuff so she could move to a place where she could be taken better care of.

During that time, while my mom was cleaning, Nanny went into a coma. She hasn’t woken up. I think my mom feels guilty for not spending more time with her, but I know that no one loved my grandma as much as my mom did. She has always been there for her and has been a great daughter(as well as a great mother). Right now my family in the States is waiting for my grandma’s life to end… pro-longing it would only bring about more pain for her.

Since I won’t be there for her memorial service I will write some memory scraps here… It seems appropriate… part of her will get memorialized on the world wide web(of which she never learned how to use besides email).

I haven’t ever been really close to Nanny she could be grouchy and needy, and usually smelly. Sometimes she could be slightly batty. We would be playing cards and she would start off singing “Jack of Diamonds, Jack of Diamonds, Queen of Spades,” I think she made the song up. On bad days she sometimes asked the same question several times but other times she was as sharp as a whip- nothing got past her. She also had a good sense of humor… she would ask me to do something for her(and we aren’t talking fun kind of stuff) and I would be like “uh, um” and then I would see her toothless smile(she must’ve had her dentures out) and I would know she was joking.

I never spent enough time with her, and I think I will always regret it. One day this summer the take-care-of-grandma lottery fell on me. Since there was no one else I had to take her to several appointments. I started out dreading the day but ended up having a great time. Nothing amazing or special happened: I just took her to a doctor and hair appointment and then to lunch. Even so I had a good time. She complained to me about the family, who was in what order on her “list”(I was always in the top five(I’m an overachiever)). My cousin Susie tended to be number one, although I think I supplanted her for a week or two when Nanny found out I was graduating this year. Anyways, that day we mostly just talked and I think I started to get to know her a little bit as I person, instead of just my grandma. I wish I would’ve talked to her more.

Only now, as she leaves, am I beginning to realize what Nanny meant to me. She was a stinky, crabby and needy old woman. The truth is though, that she was my stinky, crabby and needy old woman, and I will miss her a lot.


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